Five Years
by beanlarson
Summary: Carol Danvers hasn't stepped foot on Earth for years now. But a mysterious distress call from her long-time friend Nick Fury is about to change that.
1. Chapter One

**Title: Five Years**

**Author's Note: Hi everyone! It's weird for me to say this (type this?) out loud, but this is the first fanfic I've written since 2013. Captain Marvel and Endgame have really inspired me to start writing again, so I hope you enjoy whatever it is I'm able to churn out. Right now, I'm toying with the idea of building out a storyline of everything that's happened in the "Five Years" from Thanos' death to Antman being brought back from the quantum realm. Is it going to be a bunch of one shots? Mini-stories with 4-5 chapters on specific concepts/prompts? It's all still up in the air at this point. But having been out of the game for so long, I'd very much appreciate your comments and reviews! Send me a message too, I'd love to hear your thoughts and ideas!**

**Prologue**

_Captain Marvel's POV:_

It had been like this for days. Each planet I visited was in a state of mayhem and distress. People disappearing into thin air and survivors desperately looking for loved ones, not knowing if they had been turned into dust or not.

I kept my distance and surveyed Krion, one of the biggest cities of the planet Zaln, trying to figure out what needed to be done first. Before I could decide on a plan of action, my thoughts are interrupted by a faint beeping sound. I quickly check my transponder for new messages but there were none. Still, the incessant beeping sound continued.

Could it be?

I reach into one of my suit's compartments and pull out the pager I had saved from my last visit to Earth. After jumping through so many time warps, it's difficult to even try and figure out how long ago that was. I squint at the small screen but there's no message, just a distress call.

Fury.

Why didn't I realize it sooner! Earth must be in the same state of chaos that's affecting planets all across the galaxy. And I'm guessing Fury needs my help to keep the peace. I can assume that much.

I look back up and the scene in front of me has not changed. Thousands of people are still running around in utter panic. If I'm being honest with myself, I wasn't really able to do much to help the planets I'd been to before making my way to Zaln. An incredibly powerful force has been at work, and without any kind of insight into what I was dealing with, I felt almost useless. How much help would I really be on Earth? But I promised Fury that I'd come back if he called for me. At the very least, maybe he has an explanation for everything that's been happening.

That and the fact that I've been craving a cheeseburger for some time now.

**Chapter One**

_Narrator's POV:_

"Whatever signal it's been sending has finally crapped out", Banner says, his spirits low. They found the tiny machine on the streets of New York after the snap, right next to a car that they eventually figured out belonged to Nick Fury. It was a long shot, but everyone was banking on this outdated device to somehow pull a miracle out of thin air.

Steve surveyed the machine even closer. "I thought we bypassed the battery?"

"Well, we did," Rhodey explains. "It's still plugged in, it just..." His voice sounds strained, unsure if he should even continue. He takes a deep breath and finishes his sentence. "It just…. Stopped." He looks at Steve, his face contorted into a look of confusion and exhaustion. Bruce and Natasha, who were standing nearby, looked just as worn out as he did. If Rhodey had looked at his reflection, he would've seen a fourth tired face.

"Reboot it. Send the signal again." Steve says loudly, to no one in particular.

"Hey, w-we don't even know what this is", Banner shoots back. Always the cautious one in the group, but with everything that's happened, it made sense to him to not jump into things so quickly.

"Fury did." Nat says, finding her voice. "Just do it, please. And tell me the second you get a signal. I wanna know who's on the other end of that thing."

It happens very quickly, but they all feel it. Someone has broken into their headquarters—into the very room they were all in. Everyone assumes a position, ready to battle with the intruder. Instead, they are all taken by surprise at the commanding figure in a red, blue, and gold suit, standing only a few feet from where they are. She doesn't look very friendly, but she doesn't look like an enemy either. Before anyone can say anything, she speaks up.

"Where's Fury?"

"Wait a minute, how do you know Fury?" Nat asks, perplexed.

Steve looks the newcomer straight in the eye. "More importantly, who are you and what are you doing here?"

She takes in the small group in front of her. They look human. She wonders if they're SHEILD Agents of some sort. "My name is Marvel."

"Is that all you're telling us?" the blonde asks again, her voice unwavering.

Carol feels the corner of her mouth turn up in a grin of sorts. "You're pretty tough for someone I could take out very easily."

Nat is taken aback by her response. It didn't sound menacing at all—it was almost playful. She takes a deep breath, trying to maintain her composure. She wasn't going to get a reaction out of her.

"We'd like more information," Rhodey repeats. Nat lets out a smaller breath, happy that the woman in front of her is now focused on someone else.

"My real name is Carol Danvers", she says with a strong, authoritative voice. "I was born here… on Earth. I grew up to become an air force pilot, and during one of my missions, my jet was attacked. My attackers kidnapped me and my memory was wiped out. When I woke up, I was in the planet of Hala, thousands of lightyears away from here. I had no memory of my life on earth, and ended up training for the Starforce, Hala's elite team of super soldiers". She makes air quotes when she says super soldiers. Everyone is wondering what she meant by that. Wanting to learn more, they keep quiet and wait for her to continue.

She pauses quickly, and finishes her story. "A mission gone wrong with Starforce landed me back on earth and I started piecing my memories together to figure out my past. That's when I met Fury. There's a longer story to all this, but basically, I owe him for his help and the distress call I got must have been him coming to collect. But—" she stops, and looks around the room one more time, "he's not here, is he?"

"No, he's not", Steve takes a step closer to her, hand outreached. "I'm Steve Rogers by the way."

She gingerly takes his hand and gives it a strong shake. Steve is taken back by the force of her handshake. He motions to everyone else in the room. "This is Bruce Banner, Natasha Romanoff and James Rhodes. We uhh, we're the good guys who try protect planet earth.

"We're called the Avengers!" Bruce volunteers from the background. Everyone turns to look at him, and he starts to feel self-conscious. "I uhh, thought it might be a familiar name."

"The Avengers, huh?" Carol says knowingly. "Fury actually pushed through with it."

"Wow, you and Fury must really go way back," comments Nat.

"We do." With her defenses down, Carol takes a closer look at everyone, but her stare lingers on Natasha. _She's cute,_ Carol thinks to herself. _But also, not the time. I'm here on official business._

"I need answers." She continues.

"About Thanos, you mean?" Steve clarifies.

She cocks her head slightly to the left. "Thanos?"

"Oh boy, it's going to be a long story."

"Thanks for getting me these cheeseburgers," Carol says, just as she's about to take a bite of her second helping.

"No problem," Nat replies. It was nothing short of a miracle that she found a lone food cart near Central Park as she was making her rounds that day. The cart owner was nowhere to be seen. She pushed away the thought that he or she had been one of the unlucky ones.

She stared at Carol as she hungrily attacked the cheeseburger. Since her arrival two days ago, the team had done their best to catch her up on everything that's happened in the last few years. Steve, Bruce, and Rhodey were still asleep when she left this morning, and the lack of other bodies in the kitchen suggested that they hadn't left their bedrooms yet. She had tried to sleep too, but her mind kept replaying everything that had happened since their battle against Thanos in Wakanda, wondering if there was anything they could have done differently.

"Your face is all scrunched up." She snaps from her thoughts as she notices Carol looking right at her.

"Yeah well, I've got a lot on my mind."

"At this point, people would say something like, I'm a good listener, I'm here if you want to talk about it. But it's been a while since my last good conversation with a human, so my communication skills are a bit rusty."

Natasha bursts out laughing, amused by her honesty. "I know you're human, I mean, you look, eat, and act like one, but then you say something like that and I forget that it's been decades since the last time you were on earth.

Carol smiles back at her. She likes seeing Natasha smile. She's not wrong though, it had been decades since she first met Fury and had the craziest adventure of her life.

"Now your face is all scrunched up, was it something I said?"

"Oh, uhh, no, I was just thinking too. About the last time I was here."

"You wanna tell me about it?"

"Not really."

"Did you get to visit your family the last time you were here?" Nat presses.

"The ones that matter, yes." Carol didn't mean to say it out loud, but there was something about Nat that made her want to open up.

Nat squints her eyes, trying to break through Carol's mostly stoic face. She's usually so good at reading people. But Carol Danvers was not like most people. She remained silent, but her expression told Carol that she wanted to hear more.

"The last my family knew, I was dead. I didn't have the best relationship with them growing up, and leaving for the Air Force was the best thing I had done for everyone. I have no idea how they reacted to my death, and frankly, I don't care anymore. But…" Carol hesitates. Natasha's face softens, she almost reaches out to take her hand into hers, as if to take the sadness away.

"But then I met Maria, and suddenly, it felt like I had a home again."

"M-Maria?" Nat is taken by surprise. "Was she your girlfriend?" She spoke before she could think it through, and now, she could feel her cheeks getting warm.

Carol's eyes grow large, she had not expected Natasha to respond that way. She was avoiding eye contact now, and Carol was doing her best to suppress a smile. Natasha looked so embarrassed. She also looked pretty adorable, which is not a word she would have associated with a Russian spy who could kill you with both hands tied behind her back.

"No, she's uh, she's not my girlfriend".

"Well that's good," Nat says immediately, but then quickly realizes what her words could mean. She tries to save face. "I mean, uhh, it's good that you… You got to see her again the last time you were here," she finishes lamely. If her cheeks had been feeling warm earlier, she knew they were probably a bright red now. _I'm just tired, _she rationalizes. _That's why I'm not making a lot of sense. That's why my heart is beating as fast as it is now. Wait, my heart?_

"We joined the Air Force at the same time, and became really good friends," Carol continues, deciding not to give Nat the third degree for her little slip-up. I got to see her and her daughter Monica when I first came back to earth. They were my real family."

Nat smiles. "Have you been able to contact them? Do you know if they're alright, or…" she pauses, unsure how to finish the sentence. Luckily, Carol responds right away.

"I was able to track Maria down. She looked different, older, and she just about fainted when I showed up. She was with Monica, and she was all grown up, I could barely recognize her. She-" Natasha cuts Carol off mid-sentence. "Wait a second, when did this happen? You literally arrived two days ago."

"I did it after you all fell asleep on my first day. I try to be efficient with my time."

"Right, of course. Yeah, sorry about that, I kind of cut you off. What were you going to say?"

"I was going to say that Monica was all grown up, and married too. But the snap took away her husband and two little girls. They were extremely distraught over it. I made it clear that we'd get to the bottom of things and bring her family back together."

"You shouldn't have made promises like that. We don't even know how to find Thanos," Nat says, her face looking somber again.

"We'll figure a way out. I'm here now." She's not sure if she had been moving closer to Nat, or if Nat been moving closer to her. She was focused on her eyes, which were now barely a feet away from her. Half of her face was hidden behind her hair. She could so easily reach out and tuck it behind her ear if she wanted to. Should she, though? These were difficult times, she had no business entertaining feelings just because she and Natasha were both vulnerable. But right now, inches away from holding Natasha's hand, she'd never felt more human.

"Is there anything to eat?" A sleepy Rhodey walks into the room, surveying the table strewn with food wrappers. Carol and Natasha quickly break apart, trying to act normal. Luckily, Rhodey was too busy looking through the refrigerator to notice anything.

Natasha clears her throat, trying to navigate the whirlwind of emotions inside her. "We have cheeseburgers here," she says distractedly. She forces herself to focus on Rhodey, but her mind keeps going back to what could have happened just minutes ago if he hadn't showed up. She looks at Carol, but her face is once again its usual expressionless self. _Damn, how does she do that? _Nat thinks to herself.

"Are Cap and Banner around?"

"I think they're still in their rooms, resting." Nat offers.

"No we're here," Steve says, with Bruce right behind him, standing by the kitchen doorway.

"We got hungry too," Banner explains, while making a beeline for the table.

"I want to say there's plenty for everyone but you guys eat like four times more than the normal human being, so let's see what else we've got stocked in the kitchen." Nat stands up, making space on the table for the other three to sit down.

"I've thought more about what you said," Carol says, looking at Steve.

"What did I say again?" Still feeling a little groggy, he's unsure what Carol is referring to.

"I'm talking about our conversation yesterday. You said that there's no way to be certain if Tony is alive or dead. His tracker puts him in space before we lost the signal, but there are many factors that can explain that. I've done what I needed to do for the time being, I can fly back up and try to look for him."

"Won't that be difficult?" asks Bruce. "I mean, space is… space. He could literally be anywhere."

"Yes, so the sooner I leave, the more ground I can cover."

"Thanks Carol, we appreciate it. We'll keep helping out as much as we can down here," says Steve. "And maybe figure out a plan."

"I made modifications to your suit, by the way." Natasha is pleased by the look of surprise on Carol's face.

"What modifications?"

"Just adjusted your transponder so we can easily reach you."

"Right, thanks Nat." She shoots her a quick smile before getting up. "Time to suit up."

Everyone is standing on the headquarters' massive lawn, going over some last-minute instructions. "You got all that, Cap?" Steve asks.

"Yes Cap," Carol replies instinctively.

"Man, that's going to get confusing. Who decides on our superhero names anyway?" Everyone laughs at Rhodey's comment.

"We'll figure it out eventually," Steve smiles at his friend. He takes a few steps back, giving Carol enough room for take off.

"Well this is it, bye for now."

"Be careful, we'll still need you on Earth", Natasha says quietly.

She looks at Nat, and flashes her a wink. "Don't worry, I'll be back."

_Chapter One is complete! In case you're wondering, yes I am trying to keep this as Canon as possible, but there will be a few changes. For example, the whole Nat/Carol storyline (bc I have so many feelings for those two and they need to be let out lol). Chapter Two is in the works and should be up soon! Looking forward to hear what you guys have to say. I'm on twitter/ig at bean_larson. I'll post updates on new fics, new chapters etc on there. A follow would be great! :)_


	2. Chapter Two

**Author's note: Hi everyone! Sorry for posting this so late. Moving forward, I really will try to get my updates in by Monday. Nonetheless, I look forward to hearing your thoughts on this new chapter! It's a bit shorter than usual, but I'm pacing myself before we go "off script" and delve into the actual "five years". Also, I updated my first chapter in case you didn't get notified. For people who read it just right after being posted, you might want to check and make sure you caught the newly added last few paragraphs.**

**Chapter 2**

_Carol's POV:_

I almost miss it, but out of the corner of my eye, I see a spaceship moving along slowly, seemingly directionless. I pause to investigate, thinking it might be refugees in need of help or space pirates looking for small planets to invade. Please don't let it be space pirates, I mutter to myself. I stealthily circle the ship and see a body right away, strapped to the pilot's seat. He doesn't seem to be moving, is he dead? I fly in closer.

It's a man.

_Narrator's POV:_

The silence that filled the massive halls of the Avengers' HQ grew more and more deafening with each passing day. Carol had checked on them a few times since she left Earth to look for Tony, but the updates had been disheartening.

"_There's still no sign of Stark or any of your friends who weren't on Earth when the snap happened", Carol explained to Nat and Steve, her voice somber. She was linked to the holographic transmitter, and hard as she tried to keep the tiredness from her eyes, she knew that the rest of the team had noticed. She was starting to lose hope, but she would never say it out loud. If she had to circle the galaxy over and over again, she'd do it. The possibility of Stark being alive seemed to be the only thing keeping them sane and functioning, and she didn't have it in her to crush their spirits. Her time with them might have been brief, but she felt an affinity towards the team that Fury had put together. She opens her mouth to continue speaking when an unfamiliar face enters the room._

_Nat turns around and ushers the newcomer in. "Hey Pepper, how are you doing today?" Her eyes were red and sunken, she had obviously been crying._

_Pepper ignores Nat's question and looks right at Carol. "Please find my Tony, he can't be dead." She breathes in a shaky breath, before bursting into quiet sobs. Steve quickly gets up, supporting her before she falls to the floor. Pepper had been staying at the headquarters as opposed to Stark Tower a few days after the snap. It was easier to get updates on Tony, not that there had been any helpful ones. _

"_I have no plans of stopping anytime soon," Carol reassures Pepper. But the poor girl is still racked with distress. _

"_Thanks Danvers. As for you-" Steve looks at Pepper with the affection of an older brother, "you need to rest. Let me escort you back to your room." Pepper faintly nods, letting Steve carry her out._

_Carol relaxes now that it's only Nat in the room. She doesn't feel the need to keep up the façade with her. "How are you holding up?" Natasha asks, her voice soft and filled with concern. _

"_I feel like I'm on autopilot. I follow leads, tips, hunches even –from literally anyone who might know where he is, but it's all been a bust. I just keep going because the alternative would be to stop and what good is that going to do."_

"_That doesn't seem like something Earth's strongest superhero would say," Natasha replies, teasing her slightly._

"_I never said I was the strongest superhero."_

"_No you didn't. But your file does."_

"_How did you get a hold of my file?"_

"_I have powers too, you know." Carol laughs at her response. Nat smiles back, pleased to see her face aglow even for just a few seconds. The few chances she's gotten to talk to Carol has helped get her through the last couple of weeks, and she so badly wished she could come back already. But as much as she wanted Carol by her side to be a hand to hold or a shoulder to lean on, she needed to keep looking for Stark. _

"_I should let you go," Natasha sighs. _

"_The sooner I find him, the sooner I can get back to you," Natasha looks up, wondering if she heard right._

"_And everyone else", adds Carol. _

"_O-of course."_

_She was doing it again. Saying things she shouldn't be saying, feeling things she shouldn't be feeling. Looking at Natasha in a way she shouldn't be looking at her. If the circumstances were different, maybe. But not now when the world in a mess of astronomical proportions. I can't end the call this way, Carol thinks. _

"_Nat?"_

"_Yeah?"_

"_And everyone else," she repeats. But mostly you. Okay, bye." She logs off before Natasha can even respond. Carol ignores the quickening of her heartbeat, telling herself she needs to focus on the mission. _

_Natasha stares at the blank screen. She can feel herself smiling, and she hates herself because these were not happy times. Half the Earth's population had been wiped out of existence and here she was dealing with butterflies in her stomach. She runs her hands through her hair, and leans back on the reclining seat. Get your act together, Romanoff, she chastises herself. If the circumstances were different, maybe. But they weren't. _

Steve, Bruce, Natasha, and Rhodey were gathered around the kitchen table. It was a little cramped since they rarely used the space all together, but the meeting rooms felt too big and too empty. It just didn't seem right having so many unoccupied seats.

"So Steve, what's this meeting for?" asks Banner, breaking the silence.

Steve clears his throat, quickly looking at everyone in the room. "I called this meeting because we need to figure out a plan. Danvers is out there looking for Tony, but—" he quickly checks the doorway, making sure Pepper wasn't lurking nearby. Convinced that the coast is clear, he continues. "But what if she doesn't find him? What then?" The table is silent once again, each one painfully envisioning a reality that didn't include Tony Stark.

"I don't know what else we can do, Cap," Rhodey admits. " We've been using all our resources to track any supernatural activity in and out of space that might lead us Thanos, but it's been futile. Everyday, we go out into the city, trying to help people as best as we can, but it seems like the situation is growing worse and worse. The death count is growing, and it's not just the people who were victims of the snap. When Thanos did what he did, he took away surgeons mid-operation, single mothers living alone with their infant children, pilots flying planes, soldiers at war— all sorts of people who needed to be where they were at that point in time, but disappeared. And without Thor and Rocket around, we're even more undermanned. It's a god damn apocalypse out there."

"Hey man, you need to stay calm. We're all aware of how bad the situation is." Bruce tries to appease him.

"Don't ever tell me to calm down again. Who have you lost, huh Banner? Who have you lost? Who have any of you lost?" Rhodey looks across the room accusingly. "Yes, we lost our team, but I lost twice cos I lost family members, friends. People I should have been protecting but couldn't and it weights a ton on me that I couldn't keep them alive. So pardon me if I'm acting out, but none of you can even imagine how I feel right now."

No one speaks. Rhodey was by no means a new Avenger, but he had had the most normal life out of all of them. As resilient as he's been in dealing with everything that's happened in the last few years, this last one was just too much for him.

"Rhodey, I—" Steve stops, unsure what to say.

"Just don't, Steve. I'm not in the mood for one of your inspirational speeches. To be frank, I don't feel like I'll be much here help after all. Excuse me." He quickly walks out of the room and no one tries to stop him. They all understood that Rhodey had to deal with his grief his own way.

"Why don't we, uhh, give Danvers another week before going down the "what if Stark is dead" road. What do you think, Steve?"

"I think that would be a good idea, Bruce. For the meantime, let's keep doing what we've been doing and help people the best way we can." Bruce and Natasha nod in agreement, having nothing more to say. Rhodey's outburst surprised everyone, but his words rang true. Thanos did more damage that he had even anticipated, a destruction so unfathomable that all The Avengers could do at this point was hope for a miracle.

"So let me get this straight," Stark asks in a weak voice, "you can fly at the speed of sound, possess superhuman strength, and shoot photon blasts out of your hands?"

"Yes, those are the some of my abilities."

"Wait, some?"

"This is an intriguing conversation, but need I remind everyone that Stark is very weak, and has limited oxygen supply?" Nebula interrupts the two, concerned at Stark's ailing state.

"You're right, sorry about that. I'm very happy to know that you're alive, Stark." Carol could not take her eyes off of him. She had cut it too close, finding him when she did. If she had been a day late, or even just hours late, he might have been—. She can't even continue the thought.

"We could have used you, you know. We might have been able to—" Tony wheezes. He tries to finish his sentence, but he's out of breath and feeling weak again.

"Don't tire yourself out, Stark. We can continue this conversation back on earth."

"Right," Tony says faintly. He closes his eyes and falls back onto the seat, wanting to conserve his energy. Carol quickly buckles him up. Tony Stark was going home.

"How do you plan to get us back to Earth?" Nebula asks. "Will you use your photon blasts to bring the ship back to life? Do you have backup who can come help us?"

"I actually thought I'd just push it back to earth."

"Excuse me?"

"I said, I'd push it back to earth."

"Yes, that does make sense." Nebula nods at her, a symbol of approval. "I will now take a seat and let you carry me back to earth." She saunters away from Carol, settling right beside Tony.

"Yes ma'am," Carol says mockingly, but she figures that Nebula isn't well-versed with the concept of sarcasm just yet. She looks back, intrigued by the affection Nebula has for Tony. Maybe being stuck together in space does that to people, she decides. She flies out through an exit hatch, thinking about the unusual people, and unusual friendships she's witnessed since her return.

The whole compound was silent. It had been a few days since that mess of a meeting, and everyone had been keeping tot themselves, barely communicating with each other, needing time to be alone. Steve found himself in the bathroom after, trying to nurse a headache. He was rubbing at his temples, deep in thought when he first felt the subtle shaking of the room. As the tremors grew, he started running through their headquarters, calling for everyone else to meet him outside. Gathered at the lawn, they were surprised to find a spaceship making its way towards them.

"Ohmigod, it's Carol," Nat exclaims. A glowing figure was holding on to it at the helm. She gently eases the giant machine onto the grass, making the whole ordeal look effortless on her part. Without thinking twice, Natasha runs up to her and throws her arms around Carol.

"Took you long enough."

"Did that impress you? How I carried the ship with my own two hands?" Carol asks jokingly.

"Yes, yes, that was very impressive, I can't be—"

"Ohmigod, Tony!" Nat is interrupted by Pepper's cries. She looks back and sees Steve helping Tony stay up as he makes his way down the ship. Tony holds on to his friend, but not before glancing back at Nebula with the most grateful look. Her face remains expressionless, but she is comforted by the fact that he is now safe and in the hands of people who can help with his recovery.

"I couldn't stop him," he says to Steve.

"Neither could I."

Tony stops in his tracks. "The kid," he says quietly. "I couldn't save the kid."

The weight of his words felt like a blow to Steve. Another hero, another person lost. And he was so young, it wasn't right.

Pepper was running towards them. She cradles Tony's face in her hands, not even bothering to conceal the tears that were blurring her vision. She pulls him in for a hug, sending out silent thank yous to the universe for bringing him back. He kisses her on the cheek, shuddering at the thought that at one point, he thought he would never be able to do that again.

"Let's get you inside, okay?"

"Pepper, wait." He looks back and Nebula was still where he had left her, seated on the ship's steps, a creature beside her now. "Uhhh, who's that?" He asks, confused.

"Oh, that's Rocket. He's one of the Guardians of the Galaxy. I'm guessing she is too?"

"Yeah, that's Nebula. She and I were the only ones who made it out. The rest of her team vanished too."

"I'm sorry, Tony."

"Make sure she's taken care of," Tony says sternly. She's one of us now."

I hope y'all appreciated my effort to add a scene that shows the more human side of Rhodey. We miss out on so many details about how they actually process the effects of the snap, and I want to experiment building out scenes of grief, or even anger. I also wanted to focus on Rhodey since he seemed angrier than usual in Endgame. So this is me trying to rationalize that. Hope you enjoyed reading this! My inbox is always open for your reviews. You can also message me bean_larson on twitter/ig if you have some ideas to share! 😊


	3. Chapter Three

**Author's note: I need to stop saying that I'll upload every Monday. It never happens. Hope you like this chapter though, it's a bit longer to make up for last week's short one. Happy reading!**

**Chapter 3**

Pepper Potts could not fall asleep. She was curled up on a seat beside Tony's bed, watching his chest rise and fall with every breath. It had been hours since he and Nebula had returned, and as happy as everyone was that they were safe and well, they also had to deal with the reality that more friends had been lost to Thanos' insanity.

"_So Mantis, Drax… Groot? Even Quill and Gamora?" Rocket couldn't bare to say it. _

"_I'm sorry, they're all gone." Emotions were not Nebula's strong suit, but even Rocket could hear the strain in her voice as she struggled with her words. "Gamora, she…". Nebula had spent her time lost in space processing her sister's death. She was gone. Irreversibly gone. The only family she had left in the world was taken away by the very same person who first brought them together. It was ironic really, for things to have turned out the way it did. She would have taken her sister's place in a heartbeat. Gamora had people who were waiting for her to come back, people who counted on her, people who… loved her. She on the other hand, what purpose did she even have in this world? _

"_What about Gamora?" _

"_Thanos killed her while retrieving the Soul Stone. Even if we figure out a way to reverse his actions, Gamora won't be coming back."_

_Rocket is stunned into silence. He wants to say something, but he figured that he'd probably come up with the wrong reply. Without much else to offer, he sits beside her on the ship's steps, and takes her hand into his. Seconds feel like minutes as they both try to find solace in each other's company. Lost in thought, they don't notice that Natasha had been making her way towards them._

"_Hey uh, it's pretty late. What do you guys think about heading back in? There's enough room for everyone in the compound," she looks to Nebula, wanting to make her feel welcome. _

"_Yeah, rest, that's totally all we need," Rocket mutters under his breath._

_Natasha holds her tongue. She knows better than to engage with Rocket when he starts off like that. _

"_I think rest sounds like a good idea." Nebula looks at Rocket pointedly and he sighs in return._

_Why do I have a feeling that this is going to be a long night, Natasha thinks to herself._

"_Fine, fine, let's rest then." They stand and follow Nat into the massive structure that has become their temporary home. _

Pepper takes in every inch of him. The unkempt hair and beard, the sunken face, the faint heartbeat that sounded louder than usual in this unbearably quiet room. She should be at peace now that he's here within arm's reach, but a million thoughts keep running through her mind. She never chose this life. How was she to know that the day she said yes to working for Tony Stark was the day her life would cease to be anything but normal.

She remembers the first time she felt this way—the kidnapping at Afghanistan. Getting the phone call and breaking down on the spot, not giving a damn about how the other employees at Stark Industries stared at her. She was kneeling on the floor, tears running down her face as she listened to every word: _We don't know if he's alive or not._ It felt like her soul had been sucked out of her. She knew Tony meant a lot to her, but damn it, that moment made her realize just how truly intertwined their lives were. And there had been so many phone calls since then. The heart-stopping, stomach pain-inducing kind. And she survived it all. She may not have chosen this life, but she chose Tony, and she would continue to choose him over and over again.

But at the same time, maybe enough Is enough? Fact of the matter is, there are forces in this universe far too powerful for Tony Stark. He's managed to escape death more times than she could count, but his luck was bound to run out sometime. And she needed luck on her side for a little bit longer, she needed time to do the things he had promised here. A house away from the city, dates that didn't end with him running off to address some kind of catastrophe, a family… She wanted to marry this man and start a life with him. Have children, maybe a boy and a girl? So many things. Things that couldn't happen if he keeps fighting a war that has no foreseeable end.

She can already feel tears prickling her eyes. She quickly covers her mouth with her hand, not wanting her sobs to wake him. She carefully gets up and makes her way out the door. She'd just need a few minutes to compose herself, maybe grab a drink of water. Afterwards, she would come back and sit on that chair until the sun came up and he could wake up to her happy, smiling face, not a tear stain in sight.

As she ascended from the kitchen, she saw someone else walking down the corridor.

"Steve? What are you doing up?"

He runs a hand through his already very disheveled hair. "I couldn't sleep. I went to your room to check on you and make sure you were alright, but it was empty. I don't know why I didn't just come here right away now that I think about it, you'd obviously want to be with him."

"Yeah, I had no chance in hell getting any sleep in my room." Steve is quiet, his eyebrows burrowed when Pepper looks up.

"What's wrong? You look troubled." She gently pulls him away from Tony's bedroom door and towards the end of the hallway. She didn't want their voices wake him. His medication had put him in a deep sleep, but she didn't want to risk it.

"I'm scared, Pepper." He admits with the defeated voice of a young boy, frightened by the imaginary monsters under his bed. Although in his case, the monsters were far too real. "There's just no way to defeat an undefeatable enemy. Thanos is… Well, you've seen what he can do, what he's already done. With the power he's gained from the Infinity Stones, even with Danvers, it's not gonna be pretty."

For the first time since she's met him, Pepper could see the exhaustion in his eyes. Captain America was the guy that kept everyone going even when all hope seemed lost. He was never one to give up, or to back down to injustice. But underneath all that, Captain America is still a boy from a different lifetime, who try as he might have, will always wonder what life could have been like if he hadn't been frozen for all those years. He was every bit human as the rest of them, and there were days when his humanness got the better of him. Pepper takes a deep breath before replying. "You're not going to like what I have to say, but I'll say it anyway."

"There's nothing wrong with learning how to cope. I'm heartbroken over everyone we've lost, believe me. And that pain is going to stay with me for as long I live, and even more so with Tony who loved each and every one of you. Peter was like a son to him, although he'd never admit to it. But grief, like many things, is a part of life. We can keep looking, keep planning, keep figuring out how to reverse our loss until it consumes every aspect of our lives. Or we can go on living. And living doesn't mean forgetting, Steve. We can honor their memories by living meaningful lives and making sure they are remembered as the heroes that they are."

Pepper lifts her hand and gently places it over Steve's heart. "Bucky will always be with you, no matter what."

Steve Rogers can count on one hand the number of times he's cried in his life. And with silent tears running down his face, he finally cries for the greatest friend he's ever had, and all the other friends he might never see again.

Standing on the opposite end of the hallway, Carol is hidden from their view. She hadn't planned on witnessing such a tender moment between the two, but she was having a hard time staying in her room all by herself, and there was really only one other place where she wanted to be. She looks away, already feeling like an intruder, and stealthily makes her way to Natasha's bedroom.

She knocks quietly on the door. She's wondering if Nat could even hear it, but she also didn't want to be too loud in case the nearby rooms were occupied. Better to be safe than caught standing outside Natasha's door at 3am in the morning by Banner or Rhodey. She hears some shuffling from the other side of the door, and a soft click before she finds herself looking into a familiar pair of dark green eyes.

"Can I come in?" Carol asks, suddenly feeling very unsure of why she was here in the first place.

Natasha looks like she hasn't had a wink of sleep either. "Okay," she says quietly. She pulls her in and shuts the door. On instinct, Carol quickly surveys the room. It's clean, sparse. Not a lot of personal touches, save for a framed photo on her bedside desk. She can see Thor, Stark, Clint, Banner, Steve, and Nat gathered around a table, enjoying a meal. She looks much younger in the picture, her hair a coiffed fiery red as opposed to how she keeps it short and blonde these days.

"That was taken right after the first time the team fought together. Loki, Thor's brother, who at the time was an enemy, unleashed this hideous alien army onto New York City and the six of us almost died trying to keep the city safe. Tony said that if we all survived, he'd treat us to shawarmas. Thor had never had one apparently, so of course we had to." In the dim light of the room, Carol could see Natasha smiling at the fond memory.

"I keep a photo in one of my suit pockets. It's Maria, Monica, and me on Christmas morning. She was four years old I think, and the happiest kid ever, tearing through all the presents she got. When I look at it, I can almost smell the spiced chocolate and pancakes we had for breakfast afterwards, and feel the itchy fabric of the Santa Claus PJs that Maria insisted we all wear." She moves her gaze to the ground. "I can't believe I'm getting sentimental right now."

"It's been a long day, you're allowed to feel emotional," Nat reassures her. "You wanna take a seat?" Natasha leads Carol to her bed, while she pulls up her desk chair. She makes sure to keep her distance. She still didn't completely understand what was going on here, and she figured that Carol was just as confused by the situation as she was. But she couldn't deny that there was this almost magnetic pull towards between them whenever they were in the same room.

Earlier, with everyone up and about, trying to understand what had happened in space, she could barely have a minute of Carol to herself. But now, in her room, with Carol inches away from her, she had nothing to say. She eventually said the first thing to mind.

"So, why are you here, Carol?"

Carol shifts around until her legs are crossed underneath her. She tilts her head to the left and supports it with her left arm. She doesn't look like the strong and confident superhero she makes herself out to be, seated on my bed like this, Nat thinks to herself. She looks child-like even. The thought makes her smile and Carol smiles in return.

"I couldn't sleep. And I needed a friendly face." Carol was suddenly aware of how small the room was. Her last visit was brief and she didn't really have the luxury of time to spend with Nat. But tonight, with everyone else tucked into their beds, there was no risk of an interruption or of either of them having to leave for an urgent mission. It was just Carol and Nat.

"People don't usually describe me as friendly," Nat says quietly.

"Yeah, I wouldn't either, honestly."

"Hey, you're not supposed to agree with me." She reaches out and gives Carol a light shove.

A look of shock registers on Carol's face, not expecting the push. "Oh no you didn't, Agent Romanoff."

Nat looks Carol straight in the eye, "But I did, Danvers." They hold their stares, until Carol finally looks away.

"Don't think I let you win. I just couldn't keep looking at you like that, my mind was starting to wander."

Natasha can feel her face warm up, but she tries to keep her voice steady in an attempt to seem unfazed by Carol's comment.

"What are you thinking about?"

"I'm thinking about," Carol pauses, unsure of what to say next. With a heavy sigh, she continues. "I'm thinking about how I've never felt this way about anyone else."

Nat is surprised by the honesty in her words, having expected more playful banter from the blonde sitting in front of her.

"I didn't really date growing up, and by the time, I joined the Air Force, it was just work and helping Maria raise Monica. I never had to think about boys… Or girls."

"You and Maria never…" Natasha just wanted to be certain.

"No, Nat. She's was my sister. I love her, but not like that."

"I see".

"Have you ever been in love?" Carol asks shyly.

"I'm not sure, really. There was someone, a long time ago. But it didn't really work out the way I had planned."

Carol didn't know if she wanted to pursue the topic even more, or leave it at that.

A flash of hurt had glazed over Natasha's eyes as she tried to explain herself. She didn't want to have to tell Carol about what had almost happened between her and Bruce. It was nothing but ancient history at this point.

"It's fine, I don't need to know every single detail about you right now, Nat," Carol replies easily, seeing how difficult it was for Nat to open herself up like this. "I'd like to think we have all the time in the world to get to know each other."

"And why do you want to get to know me Carol?"

Carol doesn't answer right away. Instead, she takes Natasha's hand and lines it up with hers, palm to palm, fingertip to fingertip.

"Do you feel that?" Carol asks in a whisper.

"Feel what?"

Her hands start to pulsate, little slivers of blue and white travelling through their fingers like electrical lines. Natasha closes her eyes thinking it would be sting, but instead feels this warm and soft sensation. Soothing to the touch.

"I've gotten so used to that feeling in my hands. It's always been a part of me, a reminder of what makes be different, of what makes me who I am. It centers me, makes me feel at peace." Carol doesn't break contact, but moves closer so that her face is only inches from Nat's.

"When I'm with you? I feel that way all over. Not just in my hands, but everywhere. I feel like," she pauses, her voice growing softer and softer. I'm home. With you, I feel like I'm home."

Nat can almost feel her heart grow three times as large. She's never been one to express herself through words, but with Carol, she didn't need to. She understood her in a way that scared her, but at the same time makes her feel like she's not as cold-hearted as people have made her out to be.

She smiles at Carol before getting off her seat and moving to the bed. "How do you feel about being roommates for tonight?" There's so much she wants to say, but she needs time. Time to process, to mull over every aspect of this relationship— did she really just say relationship? She forces the thoughts from her mind, wanting to just be with Carol at this moment, no complications attached.

"I think I'd like that very much." She scoots over and lies on her side, with Nat doing the same. They didn't need anything more than just the comfort of each other's company. They talk in whispers, little snippets of their lives that aren't all that remarkable, but are stories they've never had the chance to share with other people. Carol tells Nat about her love for karaoke bars, Nat confesses to having the biggest sweet tooth, and proceeds to list her favorite ice cream shops in New York. Minutes pass by and soon enough, both are close to falling asleep. Their hands and legs are entangled, and Nat's head is resting on Carol's chest, the steady movement lulling her to sleep.

"I can't stop thinking about what happens in the morning," she says between yawns.

"We still have a few hours til then," Carol tells Nat, as she mindlessly plays with her hair.

"I know, I just—"

"Save it for tomorrow, Agent Romanoff," Carol says in a soft but commanding voice. Nat smiles, and cozies up even closer to Carol.

"Fine." She wants to say something else, but sleep has finally caught up with her. With a defeated yawn, she closes her eyes shut and drifts off. Before letting sleep completely take over, she thinks to herself with a contented sigh. "Carol Danvers, you make me feel like I'm home too."

_Sorry for still keeping it PG, everyone. We gotta pace ourselves, but for sure, there will be more Carol/Nat in the chapters to come. I'm realizing however that this story isn't going to be centered on them like I had originally planned. Don't worry tho, my Carol/Nat shippers, I'll make up for it with some one-shots! Stay tuned! :)_


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